The signature of God in a Christian’s life is love. When God puts His spirit in our hearts, our actions shows the evidence of God’s indwelling. The basic evidence of a disciple of Jesus is love. If you don’t have love outflowing, you are not a disciple. A man or woman that does not display the love of God has not yielded their life. Either they have never accepted Christ into their heart and do not have God’s spirit in their life, or they are resisting the Holy Spirit’s leading. In either case it is a problem of the will. What evidence do we have that someone has invited Christ into their heart and yielded to His lordship? Love. Look at 1 John 4:20, "If someone says, "I love God," and hates his brother, he is a liar; for he who does not love his brother whom he has seen, how can he love God whom he has not seen? ²¹And this commandment we have from Him: that he who loves God must love his brother also." This verse is confirmed in John 13:34, "A new commandment I give to you, that you love one another; as I have loved you, that you also love one another. ³⁵"By this all will know that you are My disciples, if you have love for one another."

The sad reality is that in the church we do not see this love that is required by God. All the good works and self-sacrifices mean little to God if we don’t honor Him with our love. You cannot love God and hate others at the same time. How we treat others is a direct reflection upon the God we claim to know. Our love will either honor God or be our shame that is often blamed on God. The Bible also tells us in 1 John that if we see our brother in need and we close our heart to his need, we do not love God. Isaiah 58:3 says, ‘Why have we fasted,’ they say, ‘and You have not seen? Why have we afflicted our souls, and You take no notice?’.

God doesn’t care about your religion and your religious practices. God cares about your heart. Your works and religion should be a reflection of your heart. As always, obedience is the key. The Bible gives several examples of how God deals with us based on how we deal with others. I want to focus on three principles of love taught in the Bible. Two are parables, one is a command: the unforgiving servant, the good Samaritan, and the commands given to husbands and wives.

1. Loving God is loving your husband, wife and family. At least 3 times in the New Testament, husbands and wives are commanded by God; Ephesians 5, 1 Peter 3, and Colossians 3. This doesn’t include the times Jesus condemned divorce saying it was only allowed by our hard hearts and Malachi 2:16 where God bluntly proclaims that He hates divorce. Lets look at Colossians 3:18-20
¹⁸Wives, submit to your own husbands, as is fitting in the Lord. ¹⁹Husbands, love your wives and do not be bitter toward them. ²⁰Children, obey your parents in all things, for this is well pleasing to the Lord.

The biggest mistake people make is that the wives look at the husband’s command and the husbands look at the command given to the wives and both sides have a tendency to disobey because they feel their spouse isn’t obeying. What right do we have to disobey God? Does someone’s disobedience give me a license to disobey God? Of course not. The second half of 1 Peter 3:1, "that even if some do not obey the word, they, without a word, may be won…". That can be applied to both husbands and wives. We need a command because we are, by nature, self-serving. Human nature has the tendency to only see the bad. When things go well we don’t notice because good things don’t demand our attention. Problems do demand our attention so we become so focused on problems we can’t see the good things in our relationships. Several years ago, I went through these struggles. I was grumbling about the things that troubled me about my wife and my marriage seemed to be going steadily downhill. There was no joy in my marriage and lots of bitterness. I was complaining to God about a problem with my wife when suddenly I felt very convicted. Without warning God clearly condemned my selfishness and I realized I was neglecting God’s command to me – not a conditional response. I committed that day to love my wife even though I didn’t feel very loving. I began to love her based on my desire for God believing that He would lead our marriage and help straighten out years of accumulated bitterness on both sides. After all, the Bible says that she is a gift from God. I realized I was complaining about God’s goodness. I also realized that God doesn’t give bad gifts and it was my responsibility to cherish and nurture the gift of my marriage. If my house were damaged, I would fix it; not sit around and complain about it. Why wasn’t I doing the same thing with my family?

I won’t tell you that suddenly everything was ok. It was hard work and I found myself being constantly reminded of this verse. I would be discouraged and point out to God that she wasn’t doing her part and God would show me again that her part was irrelevant. I was only to be concerned with my own obedience. As I have grown spiritually, I look back and realize that it wasn’t all her fault. The real problem was that I had a self-serving heart. I was selfish and did not think of her, she was selfish and did not see my point of view. Overall, I probably was the more selfish of the two of us, but I could not see that. If I had not been commanded to obey, I would have never seen this side of me. Absolutely nothing prepares you for marriage. When I lived alone, I did not have any pet peeves, I was mild mannered and all things considered I thought I was a pretty good guy. I didn’t hide my faults from my wife, I didn’t know I had these faults. Unfortunately, the honeymoon was rudely interrupted by my wife colliding with the baggage I had carried from childhood. The bigger problem was that I didn’t understand that the problem was the baggage and I associated the friction with my wife. I believe this is true for any couple.

Only commitment can see you through these hard times. If walking out were an option I would have taken off long ago. But the vows were serious and I had to honor them. To be completely honest, I entertained the thought of whether the vows were set in stone. By this time I had a daughter and she was the inspiration for me to make my love last. Looking back these problems seem so selfish and petty. My father made a good analogy about marriage. A husband and wife are like to stones rubbing against each other. When they first come together there is a lot of resistance. Over time they begin to wear off the edges and eventually fit together smoothly. How true this is. The first two years of marriage we are blaming each other for everything. Unless bitterness has taken over, the rest of marriage is a slow process of realizing and identifying areas of selfishness you have to deal with. If marriage is to survive, we have to make the shift from taking to giving. Giving with the attitude that it is a gift not an loan.

When I take pleasure in pleasing my wife then I find I am much more fulfilled than when I expect my wife to please me. This is the whole point God is trying to make. Husbands are to love their wives as Christ loved the church and gave himself for it. Jesus did not come to be served, loved or gratified. He came to give. His example is what we are to follow. He gave even when almost no one cared and everyone failed Him. He gave Himself without considering what He would gain, but in John 5:30 Jesus said, "I do not seek my own will, but the will of the Father who sent me." Both husbands and wives should have the same motivation. To love and submit to each other based solely upon pleasing God and not seeking themselves. God will always honor those who obey. Those who do not obey also break their relationship with God. 1 Peter 3:7 warns that if we wrong each other, our prayers will be hindered.

2. Loving God is forgiveness. Lets look at the unforgiving servant. This story was told by Jesus in response to Peter’s question about forgiveness. Like the rest of us, Peter did not have a clue on forgiveness. He was keeping a record and thought letting someone off the hook seven times was a great accomplishment. Jesus said seven times wasn’t good enough, but said multiply that number by seventy. The whole point of Jesus’ number wasn’t that 490 times was our limit; instead the point was to put the forgiveness beyond our ability to keep track of the offenses. I may be able to remember seven times, but there is no way I will ever remember four hundred and ninety times unless I am keeping a record. In this case, I could not be forgiving. The point is to forgive and put it behind you just as God does our sins. Psalm 103 says that God puts our sin as far from us as the east is from the west. Unlike north and south, east and west will never unite. We may not have the capability to forget completely when someone hurts us, but we can refuse to allow satan to bring it up again. When we are violated, in our hearts we hold the person to be to us. Forgiveness is letting that debt go unpaid and trusting God to handle the account.

The Bible clearly tells us to go to the person with whom you are at odds and seek reconciliation. God does not allow us to hold grudges and serve Him at the same time. You have to let go of one or the other. 5:23-24 says, "if you bring your gift before the altar and remember that your brother has something against you, leave your gift before the altar and go your way. First be reconciled to your brother and then come and offer your gift." Your sacrifice means nothing to God if there is something in the way of your obedience. It does not matter who is at fault. The Bible teaches that it is your responsibility to make the move toward reconciliation. Matthew 18:15-18 gives the solution for resolving quarrels. When you are not able to resolve a dispute because someone is unwilling, bitterness is still not an option. At the point when your options are expended, you release the debt of their sin against you and give it to God. Romans 12:19 warns us not to avenge ourselves because vengeance belongs to the Lord. When we turn our claim to vengeance over to God, we must forgive as well. "Go sick’em God" is not forgiveness. I believe our attitude should be one of compassion, praying that God would treat them as we have been treated. When you were in sin, God didn’t hammer you with the stick of judgment, but He had compassion and led you to the point of repentance. Our desire should be the same for others. Pray that God would handle the situation according to His mercies and would lead those who wronged you to the point of repentance.

Lets look at the parable of the unforgiving servant. Matthew 18:23-33
"Therefore the kingdom of heaven is like a certain king who wanted to settle accounts with his servants. ²⁴"And when he had begun to settle accounts, one was brought to him who owed him ten thousand talents. ²⁵"But as he was not able to pay, his master commanded that he be sold, with his wife and children and all that he had, and that payment be made. ²⁶"The servant therefore fell down before him, saying, ‘Master, have patience with me, and I will pay you all.’ ²⁷"Then the master of that servant was moved with compassion, released him, and forgave him the debt. ²⁸"But that servant went out and found one of his fellow servants who owed him a hundred denarii; and he laid hands on him and took him by the throat, saying, ‘Pay me what you owe!’ ²⁹"So his fellow servant fell down at his feet and begged him, saying, ‘Have patience with me, and I will pay you all.’ ³⁰"And he would not, but went and threw him into prison till he should pay the debt. ³¹"So when his fellow servants saw what had been done, they were very grieved, and came and told their master all that had been done. ³²"Then his master, after he had called him, said to him, ‘You wicked servant! I forgave you all that debt because you begged me. ³³‘Should you not also have had compassion on your fellow servant, just as I had pity on you?’ ³⁴"And his master was angry, and delivered him to the torturers until he should pay all that was due to him. ³⁵"So My heavenly Father also will do to you if each of you, from his heart, does not forgive his brother his trespasses."

That is a serious warning. God expects us to relate to others the same way He has treated us. He forgave us when we clearly did not deserve it and even when we didn’t care. We are expected to do the same to others.

3. Loving God is compassion for others. Lets look at the parable of the good Samaritan. Luke 10:30-37,
"A certain man went down from Jerusalem to Jericho, and fell among thieves, who stripped him of his clothing, wounded him, and departed, leaving him half dead. ³¹"Now by chance a certain priest came down that road. And when he saw him, he passed by on the other side. ³²"Likewise a Levite, when he arrived at the place, came and looked, and passed by on the other side. ³³"But a certain Samaritan, as he journeyed, came where he was. And when he saw him, he had compassion. ³⁴"So he went to him and bandaged his wounds, pouring on oil and wine; and he set him on his own animal, brought him to an inn, and took care of him. ³⁵"On the next day, when he departed, he took out two denarii, gave them to the innkeeper, and said to him, ‘Take care of him; and whatever more you spend, when I come again, I will repay you.’ ³⁶"So which of these three do you think was neighbor to him who fell among the thieves?" ³⁷And he said, "He who showed mercy on him." Then Jesus said to him, "Go and do likewise."

Notice that we are commanded to reach out to those in need and in this story, Jesus intentionally picked the least likely candidate to do the ministering. Samaritans were outcasts and considered unclean by the religious culture in Jesus’ day. The priests and Levites were considered the higher religious elites, yet they passed by the inconvenience of assisting someone in need. Proverbs 21:13 comes to mind, "Whoever shuts his ears to the cry of the poor will cry himself and shall not be heard." If we look back at Isaiah 58:7 instructs us to reach out to the poor, hungry and naked. If we turn away, we are turning from our own flesh. It is our responsibility and anyone in need is considered Jesus Christ Himself. Matthew 25:31-46 Jesus foretells a day of accounting when we will stand before Him and he will reward those who fed Him, clothed Him, visited and cared for Him and will punish those who ignored His needs. Everyone is shocked and asked when He was in need. He replies that when we do or do not help the least of those around us, we are helping or ignoring Him.

Our relationships are reflections of our heart. If we are right with God, we will love others. If we reject others or refuse to love as God commanded, we reject and refuse God as well. It is a life long struggle. I have to be constantly reminded of these things. Human nature has a one-sided perspective and we quickly forget to put others first. Love God through forgiveness, outreach and compassion and through loving your family.